A Good Man is Hard to Find Good Sex is Even Harder
by potterlove12
Summary: A SSHG oneshot. Rated M for obvious reasons.. Language, sex, etc. The title kind of says it all. Will little Miss. Granger finally find a good man AND good sex? Or will she fall into bed once again with another mediocre man?


**_A/N: Please note, I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. All rights belong to the Queen herself, Joanna Kathleen Rowling. Do I wish I owned HP? Of course, that would mean I had Jo's genius brain. :P_**

**_First of all, this is a SSHG oneshot. If you're not into the pairing, DO NOT READ._**  
**_If you're not into extremely detailed and graphic sex scenes, DO NOT READ._**  
**_If you find expletives (curse words) to bother you, DO NOT READ._**  
**_If you find drinking for the sake of drinking, DO NOT READ._**  
**_Do NOT write a review, telling me you hated the story because of the pairing, graphic detail, language, drinking, or any of those four combined. I've already warned you, TWICE, that this story was going to be a dirty one. I warned you in the summary, and in my note._**  
**_SO PLEASE HIT THAT BACK BUTTON IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ONE OR ALL OF THOSE THINGS LISTED ABOVE. Thank you._**

**_This lovely little one-shot came to me at 1am after a long, lazy day of reading nothing but SSHG smut-filled fan-fiction. They're my OTP. Get over it. (; Oh, and don't forget to R&R. I'd love to hear your feedback! Now, onto the story…._**

* * *

"Oh fuck." Those were the first words out of Hermione Granger's mouth when she woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar house. Well, not completely unfamiliar. She rolled onto her side and groaned again. The spot next to her on the bed was empty. That meant her "drink here-fuck here" buddy was awake. Then the scent of pancakes wafted her way.

"Shit, shit, shit," she mumbled as she sat up. She groaned almost immediately. How many tequila shots did she pour down her throat last night? Too many to count, obviously. She stood up and staggered across the bedroom, picking up her clothing that was thrown casually around the room. She dressed quickly and pulled her hair into a messy bun. She'd deal with that nightmare later.

She plucked her purse from the floor and rummaged around for something she could write on. Finding an old receipt to Flourish and Blotts and a stubby container of red lipstick, Hermione scrawled a note on the receipt. It read:

_Sorry, had to run.  
Thanks for last night, though.  
It was… fun.  
-H  
Ps. Thanks for the use of your fire escape_

Hermione shoved the useless container of lipstick back in her purse and carelessly dropped the note on her companion's pillow. She knew it was trashy, but she was used to it. She walked over to the window, hoisted it opened and carefully climbed out of the window and out onto the fire escape. She'd be home in no time.

Once home, she sent a note to Ginny, telling her that she made it home in once piece. Once that was taken care of, Hermione immediately got into the shower, eager to wash off the smell of sex and strawberry scented candles off her body and out of her hair.

Showered and dressed in a pair of comfortable jeans and a white, cashmere sweater, she made her way to her white leather couch and plopped down, pulling out a small book from under the couch. She smirked slightly to herself and opened the book, reading over what she had written in the weeks and months previous to this event.

_Draco Malfoy: Tries too hard; Only wants it for himself_

_Neville Longbottom: Clumsy… And he missed…. Twice_

_Seamus Finnegan: Too touchy-feely; inexperienced_

_Dean Thomas: Too quick… and he snores_

_Ron Weasley: Moaned Lavender's name during sex. Need I say more?_

_Oliver Wood: Couldn't make it last long.. And all he wanted to do was discuss Quidditch after_

_Blaise Zabini: A repeat of Malfoy… without all of the grunting_

_Ernie Prang: Clearly has no idea what to do_

_Viktor Krum: God, now he _knows_ what he's doing... especially with that tongue(;_

_Lee Jordan: H_e _was fun… But too immature_

_Fred Weasley: Better than I expected_

_George Weasley: Better than his brothers… and he knows how to use his hands_

_Terry Boot: Pushed me off when I went to give him head... definitely gay._

_Michael Corner: Casual, mindless, sex. Definitely not Krum_

_Jack Slopper: Clearly has never been in bed… Bad experience_

Hermione smirked at the memories, good and bad, that flitted in and out of her memory and then sighed. What was she doing with her life? She was successful, yes, but all she really wanted was a good man… and those were few and far between. What she wanted more than a good man was good sex. And _that _right there was almost virtually impossible to find, as her notes stated.

What disappointed her even more was the fact that it seemed like she had been whoring around with half of her graduating class, and then some. She had a strict policy: drink, sex, sleep, sneak. She'd go to parties, drink herself senseless, agree to casual sex that wouldn't ever amount to anything, sleep off her hangover, and sneak out the next morning before her latest victim ever woke up. Shaking her head, she wrote down her latest victim in her little black book: Cormac McLaggen. She finished off with: _Early riser, early faller. Not worth it._

Sighing to herself, she stood up and walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, staring out the window and into her backyard. She didn't even jump when a loud crack echoed through her house. She glanced at the clock, 1:15, right on time. She smiled and turned around.

"So, Mione, how was McLaggen?" Ginny Weasley asked.

"Well hello to you too, oh wonderful friend of mine," she smirked.

"Shut up and give me the dirty details," she paused. "Wait, leave the dirty details out of it."

Hermione smirked at her friend and conjured up a glass of wine and handed it to her before sitting down at the dining room table. She thought for a moment, taking a slow drink before answering Ginny.

"Honestly? He was terrible. Not at first, he was a good kisser, but his sexual advances fell short…. Amongst other things."

She tried to suppress a giggle, but the look on Ginny's face wouldn't allow her to remain silent. The two friends continued to giggle about Hermione's innuendo, the contents of their wine glasses diminishing quickly.

"Well, Mione," Ginny giggled, "are you going out tonight?"

"Damn straight. Are you joining me on this wild goose chase for good sex?"

"Only if Harry is willing to keep the kids by himself for two nights in a row."

Hermione sighed. What Harry and Ginny had was special. They had two lovely kids, a loving relationship, and they were trying for their third. Hermione envied that to a point, but she also enjoyed her carefree lifestyle and she wanted to keep it that way. If only she could find amazing good sex with someone who was willing to fuck her silly, no strings attached. That's what she craved. What she ached for.

"Well, tell Harry that I'll love him forever if he keeps the boys one more night. I won't ask you to go out anymore this week either," she gave her friend her infamous grin.

"Oh alright, I'll ask. But I'm not going to beg him to keep the boys."

"Sounds good. If you are available to go out and not get stuck on Mommy-Duty, we're going somewhere fun. There's a new club in Diagon Alley that I've been dying to go party at."

Ginny rolled her eyes at her friend and put the wine back into the refrigerator and vanished their empty glasses. "Well, come on then, if we're going to a new club, we're going to need new outfits." Hermione grinned and took her friend's arm, apparating them to Diagon Alley to do some light shopping.

Shopping done, and a few giggles later, Hermione and Ginny both were back at Hermione's place, getting ready for their night of fun. Hermione walked out into her living room in a tight black skirt with a white one-shouldered shirt, complete with a high belt, and four inch cherry red stilettos.

"So," she asked, spinning around, "how do I look?"

"Gorgeous, as always," Ginny replied.

"Well you look stunning as well."

"Yeah, in my mom dress," she smirked as Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Whatever! That dress is stunning."

Ginny grinned and grabbed her best friend's elbow. "Let's go. You have a man to find."

* * *

Hermione grinned as she and Ginny came to the newest bar in Diagon Alley. Maybe, just maybe, she'd find a good enough guy that she'd actually _enjoy_ being in bed with. Fat chance. But the possibility was always there. After a few last minute hair checks, Hermione and Ginny went to the bar.

"Two Jaeger bombs," Hermione said flatly, as if she had done this a million times… which she had, or so it had seemed. She scanned the room and the single men around her. Blah. Blah. Blah. She went through her mental checklist of what she wanted and sighed.

"Mione, you alright?"

"Hm?" she turned back to her friend. "Oh yeah, fine. I was just thinking." She looked back at the bar and slid three sickles to the bartender for her drinks.

"Bottoms up," Ginny grinned as she and Hermione chugged the ever delicious mix of Jaeger and energy drinks.

"This is why I come home shit faced every other night," Hermione smirked, ordering two more shots.

"So, find any "fuckable" men yet?"

"Nope, but these shots are making a few of them look better than I thought," she grinned.

"Ah, well, hopefully you find someone soon."

Hermione nodded and slammed down another empty glass, looking around again when she had to stop and look again. Was that really who she thought it was? Yes. There was no mistaking the black silhouette and dark features. She stared at the man intently and her cheeks immediately colored as his eyes found hers. Embarrassed, and slightly tipsy, Hermione quickly turned around and ordered another Jaeger, chugging it down quickly.

She slowly turned back around, leaning against the bar for a bit of support and swallowed thickly. Was he walking toward her? No, he couldn't be…. No, he was definitely coming her way, and that made her sick to her stomach.

Ginny nudged her gently. "Is that who I think it is?"

"Y-yeah…"

"I'll leave you two along then," she smirked.

"No! You're staying right here," she hissed. "Must I remind you of school?"

"Okay, okay, I'll stay. But I'm not talking and starting your conversation for you."

Hermione nodded and took a deep breath and laughed as if Ginny had just told a funny joke. Like all best friends, Ginny laughed as well and turned around to order another round of Jaeger bombs for herself and her best friend.

"Care if I buy you a drink?" a deep voice drawled behind Hermione. She felt her breath hitch slightly and she turned around.

"Oh, hello, Professor Snape," she said confidently, even though she was already weak in the knees.

"Please, call me Severus. After all, I haven't seen you in my classroom in over five years. Now, would you mind if I bought you a drink?"

"Not at all, go ahead."

"Lovely. What have you and Mrs. Potter here been drinking tonight?"

"Jaeger bombs," she replied.

He raised a brow. "Interesting drink choice, ladies," he said, smirking as he ordered two drinks.

Immediately Hermione started to relax and smiled as Severus handed her the tiny shot glass. She didn't waste time either; she chugged the Jaeger down and slid the shot glass on the bar and smirked.

"Why thank you, Severus. That was extremely kind of you."

"Care for another?"

She shrugged, half smiled, and said, "Only if you're buying."

Ginny raised a brow at her friend but didn't say a word as she had promised as she chugged another glass of alcohol, chasing it down with a bit of water.

"Hermione, I'd love to stay, but I need to get home. Albus is teething and Harry hates it when I'm gone for too long. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course! Give the boys hugs and kisses from me," she smiled, pulling her friend into a hug.

"Oh, and good luck," Ginny whispered, giving her friend a wink before apparating out of the bar.

Hermione turned around to face Severus again and smiled, running her finger around the edge of her glass. She was turning slightly pink in the cheeks from the alcohol and the fact that she was now alone with her ex-Potions professor who she had been in love with since her fourth year at Hogwarts.

"So, Hermione, what are your plans for this evening, now that your best friend has gone off to take care of her motherly duties?"

She studied his face as he spoke and didn't answer right away.

"Oh, I don't know. Probably go home, I would assume."

"What if I told you I had something else you might be interested in?"

Hermione's heartbeat started to quicken as she looked Severus in the face. She swallowed thickly and leaned more against the bar than she had been originally. Finally, she found her voice again.

"I'll take you up on that offer."

"Good, then let's go then," he said, grabbing her and pulling her close against him as he apparated out of the bar in one fluid movement.

* * *

When Hermione's feet finally hit solid ground, a part of her brain was asking, "what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Then it registered with her as she felt her ex-Potions teacher's hands roaming her body, her lips smashed against his as he pushed her backwards and into his house.

She immediately kicked off her heels right inside of the door way, frantically pushing Severus' traveling cloak from his shoulders, leaving it forgotten on the floor in front of the door. She was already unbuttoning his shirt when he pinned her in-between his body and the closest bookshelf. She moaned against his lips as he did so.

She continued to mess with the trail of buttons as he undid her accessory belt, throwing it somewhere past the couch. She smirked against his lips as she felt the last button on his shirt give way and she violently pushed it from his body, immediately running her hands down his chest. He growled in approval as she did so and she finally pulled away, breaking the kiss, gasping for air.

Severus took advantage of her need for air and yanked down her hair and then pulled her shirt over her head. He smirked slightly and started kissing down her neck, biting roughly from the start. She moaned in pleasure and wrapped her legs around his toned body, tilting her head to the side to give him better access. She tangled her fingers in his hair as he did so and he pulled away from the wall, supporting her in a firm grip, carrying her up the steps. Now this, Hermione liked-a man who took charge.

Once in his room, she reached around and unclasped her bra, tossing it to the ground, already forgotten even before her lips met his once again. Severus pushed her onto his bed and immediately climbed on top of her, quickly kissing from her neck down to her chest, sucking on each of her breasts gently. She moaned in ecstasy.

The sounds coming from her throat were almost too much for Severus to handle as he felt the bulge in his pants get harder. He pressed against Hermione slightly and moaned in unison with her as he did so. He continued kissing down her stomach and tugged down her skirt, lingering just above her waist line. She moaned in protest as he started kissing back up her torso and back to her breasts. He sucked on each one harder than before and she tangled her fingers in his hair, moaning loudly.

"God, Sev," she moaned, as he pressed against her again. He smirked and ran a hand up the inside of her thigh as he kissed along her collar bone and she moaned loudly.

"Don't. Fucking. Tease," she hissed, fumbling with the belt on his pants. He reached down and helped her get the buckle undone and tossed his pants and belt somewhere on the floor. Hermione reached down and rubbed her hand on the outside of his boxers, smirking at the involuntary moan that issued from Severus' mouth. She quickly reclaimed his mouth with hers and gasped in surprise as he ripped down her panties. They were both breathing heavily, their hands fumbling along each other's bodies and Hermione let out a loud long moan as Severus' fingers finally dipped into her soaking folds.

"Fuck," she moaned loudly, immediately thrusting her hips against his fingers, looking for more friction. He moved his fingers swiftly along her inside walls and she moaned louder, biting her bottom lip in pleasure. She reached down and rubbed her hand more against him, making him groan in pleasure as well.

As she did, Severus moved his fingers harder and faster, dragging his thumb over Hermione's swollen clit, making her arch her back in response. She gritted her teeth as he did it again and felt her walls tighten around his fingers.

"So.. Close!" she groaned loudly, grinding against his fingers. He ran his thumb over her clit once more, sending her over the edge. He moaned softly as he felt her walls spasm around his fingers and once she came down from her high, he slowly removed his fingers, licking her juices from them.

She opened her eyes and smirked at him.

"Your turn," she said, flipping them over quickly. Hermione slowly started kissing down his chest and gently ran a finger up and down his shaft, making him moan in pleasure. She smirked and gently licked his swollen tip before taking all of him into her mouth. He groaned and immediately grabbed onto her hair, pulling roughly. She smirked as he did so and sucked harder, reaching up to massage his balls gently.

Severus arched his ups up and moaned her name involuntarily as Hermione sucked harder and faster, moving her head more and more each time, making sure to move her tongue around. She felt him start to tense and he pulled her hair even harder. With one final flick of her tongue, Severus bucked his hips and shot his seed deep into the back of her throat.

"Fuuuuccccckkkkk," he moaned, closing his eyes as Hermione swallowed and kissed back up his chest. Her lips found his once more and they crashed together. Hermione grinded against him slightly and he immediately felt himself getting hard once again. He flipped them back over and pinned Hermione's hands above her head as she moaned.

"What do you want from me, witch?" he said seductively.

"I want you… all of you. Inside me," she moaned, feeling his shaft against her thigh.

"Try and be more specific," he whispered in her ear. She moaned and closed her eyes before answering him back. She moved against him slightly, making him groan in pleasure before kissing up his neck and to his ear.

"I want you, inside me, fucking me senseless. I want to feel you; I want to scream your name; I want all of you, Severus Snape. And I know you want me," she whispered back.

He moaned loudly and roughly pushed her legs farther apart. Without any warning, he plunged deeply into her, making her eyes shoot open and moan in pure ecstasy once more. She groaned as he thrusted roughly into her and she met all of his downward thrusts with her hips, making him moan more. The faster he went, the harder, she met his thrusts.

"Harder…" she moaned loudly, digging her nails into his toned back. Severus obliged and thrusted harder, making her groan.

"Mm, fuck. Yes, Sev. Right there."

"Damn, Granger," he growled deeply, thrusting hard against her, "I never expected… this from… you," he moaned.

"Fuck me more," she whispered in his ear in-between deep breaths. He grunted in approval and pulled out completely before slamming back into her as far as possible, catching her clit slightly and hitting her g-spot with rigorous force. Hermione screamed in pleasure as he did so and bit his neck, making him moan her name loudly.

Severus continued to thrust in the same manner, making Hermione yell and moan his name. He plunged into her core, thrust after thrust, their grunts and groans issuing from their throats in rhythm. Hermione arched her back, meeting each thrust as she felt her walls start to tighten around Severus tightly.

"Ah, fuck, Sev…. Don't stop… please don't stop, I'm so close," she moaned as he continued to pound into her.

"Yes…. Oh God, Granger…. Cum for me, please!"

"Oh, fuck!" she shouted as her walls started to spasm around him. Her body jerked and she arched her hips up to his as she continued moaning.

He moaned her name loudly as he shot his seed deep into her and collapsed on top of her, both of them breathing heavily. Severus waited a few minutes for them to regain some control over their breathing before pulling out of Hermione. She closed her eyes and moaned softly as he did so. Immediately, she rolled over into his warm arms and closed her eyes, falling asleep.

The next morning, Hermione woke up and immediately started thinking the worst. There was no man beside her, fast asleep. She couldn't be reliving the same day as last time, could she? She groaned and pushed herself into a sitting position and noticed a cup of coffee on the nightstand beside her, magically charmed to remain hot and fresh. Under the cup was a note, and at the foot of her bed laid her clothes, all neatly folded, with her stilettos placed on top of them.

She smiled to herself and reached over for the coffee and the hastily folded note. She opened the note and read:

_Ah, Miss. Granger. I hope you find yourself well this morning.  
As you have probably noticed, I am not around.  
I decided to go into school to catch up on some paperwork, plus  
I guessed you'd like your privacy.  
I sincerely hope you enjoyed my company last night, as I know I certainly did yours.  
If you need any breakfast before leaving, please, help yourself to the kitchen.  
Yours truly,  
Severus_

She grinned and drank all of her coffee before getting out of bed and redressing. She grabbed her wand and cleaned out her coffee cup and vanished it to the sink downstairs and remade the bed. After all, he _was_ nice enough to leave her coffee. She looked around his room and smiled to herself and summoned a piece of paper and a pen. This was a new step for Hermione. Normally she wrote in lipstick on the back of old receipts. She chuckled at the thought. She sat on the edge of the bed, pen poised in her hand and thought before writing anything down.

_Severus,  
I quite enjoyed your company last night as well.  
We _must_ do it again sometime. (;  
And I thank you for the coffee. It was delicious.  
I'd also like to thank you for gathering up my clothes from around the house.  
I'm sure that was interesting to say the least.  
I hope to be seeing you soon.  
All the best,  
Hermione._

She folded the note into intricate thirds and wrote his name across the front in her stylish handwriting before placing it nicely on his pillow. She took one last look around the room and apparated home.

As usual, there was an owl, waiting on Hermione's table with a note with her name on it, unmistakably in Ginny's handwriting. She opened the note and smirked at it. One word, followed by her signature G, the note read: _So?_

Hermione replied back quickly and send the letter off. She watched the owl fly away and went upstairs and curled up in her own bed, quickly falling back to sleep.

Ginny smiled when she saw the owl carrying Hermione's reply and she eagerly opened the note from her best friend. Her mouth dropped at the end of the 35-word note. It was short, sweet and to the point:

_G:  
I'll save the dirty details. (;  
But like I always say:  
"A good man is hard to find…. But good sex is even harder."  
Surprisingly enough, last night, I found both, wrapped up all-in-one.  
Love, H_

* * *

_**A/N: Soooo, I must know! What do you all think of my lovely little smut filled story? I like constructive criticism, so be constructive. Don't tell me it "fucking sucked because that would never happen." Well OBVIOUSLY it wouldn't happen in JKR's story. This is from **_**my**_** imagination, thank-you-very-much. So leave me worthwhile comments and feedback, or leave. Not hard to do. (: I appreciate all of your reviews. XoXo: potterlove12**_


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